Joy Ekpouko

Signs of a toxic marriage

Toxic marriage is something that nobody, especially a lady, should pray for in life. Toxic marriage occurring in life does not mean that marriage is a bad thing. marriage is a beautiful thing when you are with the right person.
Note this, you don’t find the right person at a religious gathering, social gathering, or any kind of gathering, you can only find the right person that is compatible with you when you finally realize who you are and what you want.

Another way of avoiding toxic marriage is by making God be the foundation of it from the very first start. Now why from the start?
From the start because God created everyone in His own image which means that everyone is perfectly made and after creating, He attached each and everyone to their life partner, so making God be the foundation of your marriage means that he will help you by bringing who he ordained for you to locate you in one way or the other.

Being with the right person or having a good and happy marriage does not mean that your marriage is perfect and also is an absence of errors, disagreement, misunderstanding, etc. But what matters is how you handle your own marriage when all these trials arise. And this is what differentiates your marriage from your neighbor’s or your friend’s marriage.

——–What are the causes of a toxic marriage;——-+

1. Comparison: women do easily fall victim to this. Never compare your marriage to anyone’s own be it your parents, neighbors, friends, colleagues, etc. It’s annoying to be compared to anyone just because you made a mistake or because there was a fight and things couldn’t work out as expected from your partner.

It is a sign of reduction and disrespect. If he is trying, tell him he is trying, and if there is a misunderstanding or there is something he or she did that pissed you off, walk up to her or him and table it maturely for peace to rain, not by comparing the innocent soul or judging for his or her mistakes.

2. Being rude to each other: rudeness can come in the form of your response to a question maybe just because you are angry, you now take it out on your partner harshly and he or she also responds to it harsh before you know it, things got out of control.

3. Inferiority Complex: Oh my friends are all married with kids, Oh my junior colleague’s husband just got her a new car, etc. With this kind of complex, you now decided to start searching for a rich dude to mingle with or marry most times leaving your already existing relationship because you are desperate to be like your friends and colleague too.

4. No insight: before you settle to get married to someone, you got to sit down and learn things about marriage what it takes to keep your home and as a lady, you need to learn how to keep your man happy because it is very important

5. Delay: after all being said, a delay can also be a reason someone experiences a toxic marriage but how??
Well, this still relates and most times happen to us ladies.

At 23-26years, you are still not ready for marriage and you don’t even have someone in your life who you are serious with, yet it doesn’t bother you. Then at 30+ you now start looking for just any man that is handsome, tall, either rich, middle class, or poor, you don’t care, you just want to be married and start a family.

You now become desperate than before when you turn 36+ and then your prayer point changes to “Oh Lord anything” I don’t care, I just wanna have a man to call my own and then start a family with.
Now, something like this has the power to push you into a toxic marriage because you have no choice.

———Now these are the toxic marriage signs you should look out for;———–

1. Unsolved conflicts: when your partner is too stingy and big that he or she can not bring herself down for misunderstanding to be resolved then it Is a toxic marriage.
   The truth is that no one is above mistakes so you shouldn’t expect your partner to be perfect if you are not perfect either.

2. None compatibility: You don’t have to be 100% compatible with your partner before you know that you are fit for each other. But at least you should be 70,80,90% compatible before you agree to end up with him.

— Things that you can be compatible with;—–

1.Your hobbies

2.Your kind of jokes

3. Your likes and dislikes

4. Your ways or reasoning

5. IQ, etc

—++ toxic marriage signs you should look out for—–

1. Abuse: when you are emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually abused by your partner or his family and yet nothing is done about it, then run that marriage isn’t for you.
   A man who abuses his wife is indirectly reducing himself to an animal or hunt other animals to feed and also to be king over them.

2. Always defensive: It’s not bad for him or her to be defending himself at times but when it’s now becoming his lifestyle, then that’s not it again. For once be on the offensive side and learn to say oh I’m sorry.

3. Is bossy: Men like being the boss of the house but likewise women, we also love being in charge at least for once in a particular place, but when everything that’s done in the house is from the approval of one person at all times then it’s not it.

Staying in a house you called your house because whatever belongs to your husband belongs to you too, but yet you don’t have a voice in your home then that’s a toxic marriage because you are a maid in your own house waiting for an order from the boss at all times.

4. Less concerned lifestyle: No matter how busy you are, you shouldn’t be so busy to the extent that you can’t notice your partner’s needs at home. As a human, he or she needs attention too from you.

If this is happening, it means that he or she is beginning to out something else before you and if not treated or sorted out immediately, it will result in divorce and that’s a toxic marriage.

5. Frequent fight: fighting in a relationship of marriage is normal that’s because two imperfect beings come together to form a perfect home, so in the process of trying to build that perfect home, fight, disagreement, argument, etc must set in but when it becomes a schedule for everyday duty then that’s your marriage turning into a toxic marriage.

6. Betrayal: when he or she starts lying to you about his way about, he starts cheating on you and sometimes denied it but maybe recently he can’t hide again so he or she now does it open for you or people to see that’s a toxic marriage sign.

7. Unnecessary changes of interest: You two used to be lovers of a particular thing or function and that function normally brings you two together in a way you can’t explain.

But later things start changing, he or she doesn’t feel like connecting again through that function, show, or whatever, therefore he starts limiting his interest.

This can be as a result of having a lot on his mind, he is trying to move on, he is no more interested in you, or he is confused about many things.

8. Loneliness: this point doesn’t only have to do with married people, even to those in a relationship. When you are with someone yet you still feel single, empty, and wanting, then that’s not the right place for you to be.
When you are with someone, you are supposed to feel accepted emotionally, physically, mentally, etc satisfied. Except you are not in love.

9. No public nor inside respect: A woman or a man who speaks to you anyhow even in front of your kids, friends, colleagues, is not your man neither is she your woman., that’s why she does not regard you nor scared of what negative effect the action will do to the marriage.

Always thinking negative about the marriage future: Having a big vision is good but you got to work towards it if you want people to take you seriously.

When she be little whatever future plans you have, she is not yours. If you can’t change her to reason and see things with you, then let her, that’s you stepping into a toxic marriage.

You need someone who believes in your dreams too

10. Cut in communication: Without communication, a perfect marriage can turn into a toxic one in a twinkle of an eye. Communication helps in bleaching the gap between you and your partner, so when that is cut off, it automatically leads to a toxic marriage.

11. Distance: Distances here doesn’t only have to do with the physical distance but emotional distance. Distance emotionally creates starvation and from being starving emotionally, you can be taken off balance by anyone.

So if you feel distant emotionally between you and your spouse, work things out otherwise get busy.

HOW TO HANDLE A TOXIC MARRIAGE;

1. You can handle by not marrying just because
   your mother pressurizes you to give her grandchildren. If you are not ready to be committed to a man or woman, please don’t bring someone’s child into your home and torture her.
   Choose to marry when you are sure that you are ready to settle down and start your own family.
2. Marry for love and not for goal achievement: it is not bad to have a set goal or dreams for your future but deciding to make it through marriage will only result in a toxic marriage.
   Therefore, marry because you have something in common with this guy or lady that you believe that can be grown to lead to something serious.
3. Marry someone who is a therapy in nature: yeah a therapy in nature in the form of if you are hot, he or she will be available or able to hold you down, he will be able to help you control your temper, not someone who will even put more fuel to the fire to be hotter and bring out flames.
4. Marry a friend: if love can not hold a home or relationship tight, then friendship can. Marry someone who is friendly in nature.
5. Don’t marry for family reputation. Your happiness matters a lot not to your parents, at least to yourself.
6. Don’t marry because of flashes things because one day when those things are not available anymore, you will be completely hurt, because it wasn’t what you saw nor plan.

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